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I routinely carry around a polycarbonate plastic water bottle. Yeah, it's a little too trendy for me, but I live in Texas, and I'm also routinely dehydrated. Despite regular hand-washings, I've noticed that my $1.99 Nalgene knockoffs have developed a stubborn layer of scale inside, which seemed difficult to remove. I thought about trying to find a beaker brush to get at the insides of the bottle. I also found a page at the Nalgene corporate site with cleaning suggestions. I didn't have lemon juice, baking soda, or bleach as the page suggested, so I thought I would try a little vinegar. I poured a quarter-cup of plain vinegar into a particularly crufty bottle, and, wow, the scale disappeared almost instantly. I added water until it was about half-full, and shook it vigorously, which quickly removed any remaining scale.

So, if you need to clean your Nalgene or more-reasonably-priced polycarbonate bottle, use a little vinegar.

Dude, I was just making some nachos with refried beans, San Marcos jalapeños, new york white cheddar, and those Guiltless Gourmet blue corn chips. After looking at the plate piled up, I grabbed a slice of lime sitting nearby and squeezed it on the nachos for good measure. I popped the joint into the microwave for 99 seconds, and when I pulled it out there were red spots on the chips. I presumed the red spots were where the drops of lime juice landed. Anyone have any insight into lime-blue corn chemistry?

This Weblog used to claim "we're stuffing cheese in places you never dreamed about" in its tagline, and, although it may not have delivered on that promise, I'm still a lover of both metaphorical and gustatory cheese. So I was delighted when this week's ResearchBuzz newsletter featured the CheeseNet cheese reference site. Its World Cheese Index provides information on a variety of cheeses and is searchable by animal, texture, and country, among other things. Although the site says it is "intended to educate about different types of cheese from all over the earth," I was disappointed to find no information on cheese from Mexico and other non-Western cultures, so I dropped them a little note with their feedback form.

Hopefully I'll be getting the nitty-gritty on Quesos Fresco and Oxaca in no time.

Last night, Jordan held a backyard potluck party to coincide with a trip to see the new zombi flick 28 Days. He asked guests to bring body-part themed dishes in the spirit of the film's zombi story. As a vegetarian, I racked my brain to think of plant foods that would evoke viscera while still being edible. It finally occurred to me that seitan could be passed of as a variety of body parts. My last batch of seitan was particularly pale and gnarly, so I settled on passing it off as zombi brains. I used them in a potato salad, "potato salad with zombi brains and sun-dried tomatoes," that is.

When I got to the party, I was pleasantly surprised. Nearly everyone made vegetarian horror movie dishes. Jordan made a sort of minestrone he called Sudden Infant Death Soup, another person made fried rice with soy chorizo, and there was Sangria with a beautifully carved apple skull. I took care to garnish the top of my potato salad with green onions and sliced seitan. One guest told me, "Your dish was the only one that really scared me," which I took as a compliment.

Althought it evoked dread in its consumers, I got a few compliments on the salad, so I've posted the recipe below.

Potato Salad with Zombi Brains and Sun-Dried Tomatoes

Prepare this dressing the night before, so the tomatoes and herbs have time to marinade in the vinegar. Pour the vinegar into a small plastic container like tupperware. Chop the sun-dried tomatoes in to tiny pieces, perhaps a quarter-inch square, then add to the vinegar. Crush the garlic into the container with a press or carefully mince the garlic, then add to container with oregano and thyme. Place lid on container, then shake up the ingredients to mix.

After you've given the dressing time to brew, peel and dice the potatoes and add to a saucepan. If you like your potato salad pasty, cut them into smaller pieces. If you like it chunkier, cut them larger. Add enough water to cover the potatoes and pour in the salt. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Cook the potatoes until they're pretty soft; you'll want them nice and mushy for the salad. Once the potatoes are cooked, drain off the water. Chop the green onions into small, latitudinal slices, set aside a few tablespoons for garnish then add the rest to the potatoes. Slice the seitan into thin strips, save a few particularly gnarly-looking pieces for garnish, then add the rest. Shake up the salad dressing, then pour into saucepan. Measure out the oil, add to dressing container to pick up any leftover herbs, shake up, then pour into the pan. With a large spoon, mix up the ingredients until you get a pasty, pinkish mixture. Move to your serving dish, then garnish with green onions and carefully arranged seitan slices. Serve hot, or chill for a few hours and serve cold.

Well, I've gotten this joint up and running, thanks to David, who helped me sort out the old getting-Movable-Type-to-talk-to-MySQL issues. Hopefully this site will be just as fun as the old one, only with an easier-to-remember URL.

I decided to make some salsa during Bush' speech tonight, and, perhaps appropriately, I made some good, weapons-grade salsa this evening. Its easy to make and totally delicious.

2 medium grapefruit
2 ripe habañero chiles
.5 red onion
3 medium garlic cloves
.5 teaspoon salt

Cut the rinds off the grapefruit, leaving as much pulp as you can intact. Add to blender with onion and blend at low speed. Be sure to cover the blender during this step or you will have a sticky, sloppy mess. Pull the stems off of the chiles and add to blender. Either crush the garlic into the blender jar with a press or peel and mince the garlic, then add to jar. Add salt, then set the blender to high speed and puree for a minute or two. Chill for a few hours, then enjoy.

Now that I live in the Lone Star State, I feel pressured to conform the local culinary standards. While I ain't gonna eat dead cow, so I've been making fajitas with everyone's favorite wheat-based meat substitute, seitan!

4 oz. Seitan (I've included a recipe below, in case you can't find it in your store.)
½ Green pepper
½ Red Onion
1-2 Canned Chipotle peppers
1-2 Tablespoons Cooking Oil
4 of those smaller-sized whole wheat tortillas
Shredded Monterrey Jack cheese to taste
Chopped Fresh Cilantro to taste
Your favorite Salsa if this ain't hot enough for you

You probably already have a good idea of where this is going, but here are directions, just in case. Heat the oil in your wok or skillet at medium to high heat. Slice onion and green pepper in long strips. I like to then cut the strips in half to make eating less messy. If I get only half a pepper in my bite the whole thing tends to fall apart. Anyway, yeah, like toss the veggies into the pan. Get out your seitan and slice it into strips as you intone "say-TAN" in your best heavy metal voice. Throw the seitan into the mix and, with a spatula, stir up the filling periodically. Chop your chipotle peppers into itty-bitty pieces and distribute it in the filling. The oil from the peppers can burn mucous membranes, so be careful. And, guys, do not use the restroom without washing your hands thoroughly! I can't tell you how many times I'll forget, and, half an hour later... Anyway, cook the filling until the green pepper is blackened in spots. Wrap the filling in warmed tortillas with the rest of your fixings, and you're good to go. Serves one.

Homemade Seitan
I guess this is further proof that our friends at Whole Foods are evil, but I can't get my favorite brand of Seitan in Austin. In Philadelphia, they carried it at Fresh Fields - which is owned by Whole Foods - but neither Whole Foods here or H.E.B. carries the stuff, choosing instead to sell some funk-nasty crap they call "Wheatloaf." Being the good DIY-er that I am, I've learned to make Seitan at home.

1 Cup High Gluten Flour
½ Teaspoon Garlic Powder
2 Tablespoons Soy Sauce
¾ Cup of Water

High gluten flour might be a trick to find. I found it in the very special health food section at H.E.B., but those of you in other areas might have to go to Akin's or Wild Oats or whatever to get it. Anyway, dump the dry ingredients in a largish bowl and mix it up a little. Mix the wet stuff in a measuring cup, then pour it in the bowl. With a rubber spatula stir the ingredients, which should turn into a rubbery dough surprisingly fast. Knead the dough a few times, then let it sit for a few minutes, then knead again.

In a saucepan, boil:
1 Quart of Water
¼ Cup of Soy Sauce.
Knead the dough a little more. Roll the dough into three or four "snakes," then slice the snakes into little pieces. Drop the pieces into the boiling bath. Reduce the heat to a simmer and cover the saucepan. Simmer the seitan for 45-60 minutes. During this step, the seitan should bloat up like Keith Moon in the late 70s. Drain off the water and refrigerate or freeze the little loaves. Serves four.

Some readers may know that I'm the type of dude who likes to make a big pot of soup, then freeze individual portions to take to school or reheat at home. While I might not feed you as well as Google's cafeteria, I've posted a recipe for the soup I made for lunch today.

Potato Soup with Roasted Garlic and Green Onions
2-3lb Potatoes
1.5 tsp Salt
1 bulb Garlic, roasted
1 bunch, Green Onions
2-3 cups Skim Milk

Peel and dice the potatoes into cubes about a centimeter on each side. Alternatively, you can use new red potatoes and leave the skins on for a more fiber-y soup. Dump all them cut-up potatoes into a saucepan, then cover with water and bring to a boil. Add 1 tsp. salt. Reduce heat to a simmer, until potatoes are tender, generally when you start to see starch deposit on the side of the pan. As the potatoes are cooking, clean and dice the green onions and set aside. Squeeze the individual garlic cloves out of the skin and chop into itty-bitty pieces. When the potatoes are cooked, drain as much water off as you can muster without dumping taters down the drain, then cover with milk. Add onions, garlic, and remaining salt, then bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cover. Simmer soup for 20-30 minutes or when broth is on this side of sludgy. Garnish with chopped parsley or shredded cheddar cheese, if you're feeling extra decadent. Serves 3-4.

Todd Levin has a racist aunt, and he called on her to share her opinions of the various regions of the country. I thought this was very funny, since her opinions mirrored those of my weirdo coworkers in the Philadelphia suburbs. They didn't think too highly of me or the Great Plains region, but, more to the point, I thought they were overtly racist and small-minded, much like the racist aunt. Here's her map of the US in .pdf form and an inferior .gif version. Readers who have listened to me gripe about those creepy people now have a wonderful insight into the way they think.