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Now that I live in the Lone Star State, I feel pressured to conform the local culinary standards. While I ain't gonna eat dead cow, so I've been making fajitas with everyone's favorite wheat-based meat substitute, seitan!

4 oz. Seitan (I've included a recipe below, in case you can't find it in your store.)
½ Green pepper
½ Red Onion
1-2 Canned Chipotle peppers
1-2 Tablespoons Cooking Oil
4 of those smaller-sized whole wheat tortillas
Shredded Monterrey Jack cheese to taste
Chopped Fresh Cilantro to taste
Your favorite Salsa if this ain't hot enough for you

You probably already have a good idea of where this is going, but here are directions, just in case. Heat the oil in your wok or skillet at medium to high heat. Slice onion and green pepper in long strips. I like to then cut the strips in half to make eating less messy. If I get only half a pepper in my bite the whole thing tends to fall apart. Anyway, yeah, like toss the veggies into the pan. Get out your seitan and slice it into strips as you intone "say-TAN" in your best heavy metal voice. Throw the seitan into the mix and, with a spatula, stir up the filling periodically. Chop your chipotle peppers into itty-bitty pieces and distribute it in the filling. The oil from the peppers can burn mucous membranes, so be careful. And, guys, do not use the restroom without washing your hands thoroughly! I can't tell you how many times I'll forget, and, half an hour later... Anyway, cook the filling until the green pepper is blackened in spots. Wrap the filling in warmed tortillas with the rest of your fixings, and you're good to go. Serves one.

Homemade Seitan
I guess this is further proof that our friends at Whole Foods are evil, but I can't get my favorite brand of Seitan in Austin. In Philadelphia, they carried it at Fresh Fields - which is owned by Whole Foods - but neither Whole Foods here or H.E.B. carries the stuff, choosing instead to sell some funk-nasty crap they call "Wheatloaf." Being the good DIY-er that I am, I've learned to make Seitan at home.

1 Cup High Gluten Flour
½ Teaspoon Garlic Powder
2 Tablespoons Soy Sauce
¾ Cup of Water

High gluten flour might be a trick to find. I found it in the very special health food section at H.E.B., but those of you in other areas might have to go to Akin's or Wild Oats or whatever to get it. Anyway, dump the dry ingredients in a largish bowl and mix it up a little. Mix the wet stuff in a measuring cup, then pour it in the bowl. With a rubber spatula stir the ingredients, which should turn into a rubbery dough surprisingly fast. Knead the dough a few times, then let it sit for a few minutes, then knead again.

In a saucepan, boil:
1 Quart of Water
¼ Cup of Soy Sauce.
Knead the dough a little more. Roll the dough into three or four "snakes," then slice the snakes into little pieces. Drop the pieces into the boiling bath. Reduce the heat to a simmer and cover the saucepan. Simmer the seitan for 45-60 minutes. During this step, the seitan should bloat up like Keith Moon in the late 70s. Drain off the water and refrigerate or freeze the little loaves. Serves four.